How Can I help?- Practical Ways to Help Someone with a Chronic Illness
Living with a debilitating chronic illness can be an isolating and frustrating experience. People who are chronically ill often miss out on many aspects of life, and during difficult periods, even basic activities can become overwhelming. Simple tasks, such as taking a shower, may feel like an enormous challenge. Driving to the pharmacy can be as daunting as climbing a mountain, and preparing a meal is often impossible on days with severe pain or exhaustion.
Many people want to help someone who is chronically ill but are unsure how to offer meaningful support. While saying, “Let me know if you need anything…” is well-intentioned, it can feel burdensome for the sick person. Often, there are so many tasks they need help with that they may not know where to begin.
Here are a few practical, no-fuss ways to make a genuine difference in the life of someone struggling with chronic illness:
Take a load off their hands.
Offer to walk their dog or babysit their kids. For those with dependents, true rest is difficult because they must always be "on" and responsible for another being and there is often a bit of guilt that they can’t do as much with their babies as they would like. Providing even a few hours of relief can give them the chance to rest properly and recharge.
Provide Ready-to-Eat Meals
Cooking can be an immense effort for someone who is chronically ill. Without assistance, they may rely on snacks like fruit and crackers to get by (Ii know I certainly do) . Bringing over easy-to-reheat meals allows them to have nourishing, filling food without the stress of preparation. Be mindful that many chronically ill people may have dietary restrictions, such as gluten-free, dairy-free, or low-inflammatory diets and it might be best to check in advance.
Support Their Small Business
If they run a small business, consider purchasing from them, engaging with their social media content, or sharing their work. Chronically ill and disabled people often have reduced incomes and may struggle financially. Supporting their business not only provides practical assistance but also validates their work and helps them maintain independence. If you cannot make a purchase, sharing their content with your network can also make a meaningful impact.
Continue to Invite Them Out Even Though They May Be Sick
Even if they often decline, continue to invite them to social events. Knowing that friends still think of them helps combat the loneliness of being homebound and feeling like the world is moving on without them. Be patient and understanding if they need to cancel last-minute due to unpredictable symptoms. They likely want to spend time with you but their body may not be co-operating with their wishes.
Check In On Your Chronic Illness Friends Regularly
A simple “checking in” message can go a long way. Even if they cannot see you as much as they would like, knowing they are in someone’s thoughts can be incredibly comforting. Additionally, offering a listening ear when they need to vent can provide invaluable emotional support when things are especially tough.
Check in on your chronically ill friends.
Offer Thoughtful Language and Emotional Support
Refrain from saying things like “Get better soon” or “Stay positive,” as these phrases can feel dismissive and place pressure on the sick person to “get better” when in reality many chronic illnesses are lifelong, and the expectation of recovery is not always realistic. Be mindful of the language you use and avoid minimising their experience with phrases like, “You don’t look sick,” or suggestions that they should "just think positively", or “it could be worse".” Instead, offer validating and empathetic statements such as:
“That sounds really tough, I’m so sorry you are struggling.”
“I’m sorry your symptoms are worse right now.”
“You are incredibly resilient, and I know you will get through this rough patch like you have before.”
Being upbeat and positive when someone is sick is often known as “toxic positivity”. Sometimes it’s okay to just let people feel like crap and offer your support.
Help with Household Tasks
Offer to come over and complete some practical chores that may become overwhelming, such as vacuuming, weeding, or cleaning the shower. These tasks can pile up quickly when energy is limited and it’s a huge relief to have some of these jobs knocked off the to-do list.Not to mention it can make their life a lot more comfortable. Not everyone is comfortable accepting this kind of assistance, so check in advance. If they are hesitant, suggest returning another day to tackle specific tasks.
Simple tasks can be impossible for someone who is chronically ill- especially when they are having a flare up of their symptoms.
Offer to Be Their Chauffeur
If you invite them somewhere, offer to be the driver. The physical and mental effort of driving (and parking), along with the anxiety about whether they will feel well enough, can be a major barrier to leaving the house. Offering a ride can make outings much more accessible and stress-free.
Run Errands
When planning a visit, ask you can pick up anything from the supermarket or pharmacy on your way. Grocery shopping requires considerable energy, and chronically ill people may rely on whatever is already in the house when they are unable to shop or get items delivered. Offering to pick up essentials can be a simple yet significant way to help.
Bring treats to the Hospital
If they are hospitalised and feel up to visitors, bring thoughtful items like fresh fruit, a real coffee, or a magazine. Hospital stays can be dull and emotionally taxing and if you have ever been in hospital you probably know that the food is never great. Small treats and in-person company can brighten their day and provide a much-needed sense of normalcy. Not to mention the taste of real coffee can be completely revitalising.
Don’t underestimate the way a thoughtful bouquet of flowers can brighten up someone’s room (and day).
Offer to Be Their Advocate For Medical Appointments
Navigating healthcare systems can be exhausting, scary and daunting, especially if you are doing it alone. If you feel comfortable doing so, offer to accompany them to medical appointments, help research treatments, or advocate on their behalf. Your support can make the process less overwhelming and ensure they receive the care they need.
Adapt Social Plans To Suit Their Illness and Energy Levels
Choose activities that accommodate their energy levels and physical limitations. Low-energy options like movie nights, casual visits, virtual hangouts, or sometimes gentle walks allow them to stay connected without overexerting themselves.
Give Practical Gifts or Care Packages That Help Them Feel Taken Care Of
If you are considering buying a gift and are in a position to do so consider gifts that make life easier, such as subscriptions for grocery delivery, a massage or pedicure voucher. Practical gifts can provide everyday relief and ease their burden. Small comforts like cozy blankets, snacks, herbal teas, beautiful candles, a good book, or self-care items can make a huge difference to someone's mental health when they are feeling disconnected.
Thoughtful gift baskets and healthy treats will always be appreciated.
Respect Their Autonomy
Always ask how you can help rather than assuming their needs (unless of course there is something you know they will appreciate).. Respect their boundaries if they need space and can’t handle company at the moment, and support their decisions regarding treatments and lifestyle without judgment.
Educate Yourself About Their Illness
Take the time to learn about their condition. Educating yourself on what they are facing shows that you care and allows you to offer more informed, meaningful support. It can be a huge help in aiding the person to feel less alone and a little more understood.
Send Cute Dog Videos
It may seem silly, but light-hearted, adorable, cute dog or kitten videos can be a wonderful distraction. On a moderate pain day, waiting in ED, or killing anxious time before a doctors appointment, cute animal videos will always be welcome.
By offering both practical assistance and emotional support, you can make a profound difference in the life of someone living with a chronic illness. Small, thoughtful actions help ease their daily challenges and remind them that they are not alone.
xx Ainsley
If you are struggling mentally with your chronic illness and want to find some help check out this blog post full of resources.